Today was one of those fall days when the sky is dark and heavy; there was such a strong wind that I was overcome with that feeling that the whole world was wild, and no amount of will or wishing on my part would impose any other order on it. I love days like this. I haven’t been out of the house much in the past two days, looking after my flu stricken family – a four year old with a fever has a stronger grip on you than you could ever imagine.

We’re not entirely out of the woods – her flu started sometime in the middle of Tuesday night, but 2 and half days later she suddenly got up from the couch and started bossing me around again, demanding I read her books and putting her feet in my face as I was doing so. Her return to herself seemed almost overly dramatic. Of course I’m going to keep an eye on her, or rather, an ear out for any rattling breaths or difficulty breathing, but part of me can’t help feeling a little pissed off at all the hoopla that had me awake at 4 a.m. terrified that my daughter was going to die. She was inseparable from a friend at Halloween who was just diagnosed with H1N1, and if that was it, well, it certainly wasn’t pleasant for her, but it wasn’t the worst flu she’s had.

I did manage to get out of the house long enough to play another game where our forwards were heavily under attack, this time from the first place team who had not lost a game yet – I guess they didn’t take too kindly to the idea of losing. Our “A line” in particular (a trio hot both on and off the ice – there, Jacinthe, you can’t complain that I never mention you in my blog) was subjected to all kinds of hits and slashes and crosschecks, and I can’t help but wonder why we’re leading in penalty minutes (40 minutes’ worth in 9 games, 12 of them mine) when it feels like we’re getting bullied every game, seriously. Pretty much all of my penalties have been in retaliation for dirty plays like punches or crosschecks from behind the second the puck goes in and the whistle has gone. But probably the real reason is this (because I’ve noticed it too) – we are averaging about four goals a game, we’re outshooting them nearly three to one, they can’t get past our forwards in the neutral zone, (knock on wood!), and yes, it sounds like I’m bragging a bit, but the truth is I am in awe of how good our team has suddenly become, and its more fun than you can imagine to be a part of it.

a l'il ipod touch painting

This summer was only the second time since starting to play hockey that I took the months of July – August off. I didn’t really miss it much, but it only took one game for me to get totally immersed in it again. Maybe because I had (what I thought was) a stellar first game (one goal and one assist, no penalties) but the last two have been completely horrid. In our division 98% of it is getting to the puck first, and both times I had absolutely no energy. I think I never do well at early Sunday games, or on days when I ride 11km to work and back. When I don’t have the best game imaginable, I feel let down, and, well, there’s $60* down the drain.

I love hockey because for that hour that I’m on the ice there is absolutely nothing else on my mind. For that one blessed hour a week, there is no when can we learn a new song already and hey, if the guy I convince the company I’m working for to hire forgets to mention that he’s going to work at home one day its not really a bad reflection on me, is it , and dammit am I ever going to get another illustration job again and christ, do I really have to get up to get you something yet again, and you don’t really think that I lost all your lighters, do you? and all the other minutiae that you would not believe I spend so much time and energy thinking about. Its a relief people!

What happens, though, when you have a sucky game is, it sticks in your mind afterwards and you feel kind of pissy, especially when it will be 11 WHOLE DAYS before you can try and make it up and reassure/prove to yourself that you are not a complete waste of space out there, and that there has been some improvement. And it could sit and fester there if it weren’t for the best cure for that particular ailment, which is going upstairs with your team to hang out after the game.

* this is a slight exaggeration, but not really

I’m horribly addicted to my new iPod – not only is there the obvious convenience of having one small device to listen to music, read books and comics (just got the Thief of Always, which has some pretty great art) but I can also tune my guitar, record my ideas, jot down ideas for lyrics and paint – if you already have one you don’t need me to tell you how great it is. I am forever indebted to my big brother Pierre, who bought a new mac and gave me the free iPod that came with it.

My favorite apps of late are 4-track (although the Griffin smarttalk mic I bought one week ago is already broken, much to my extreme disappointment, so I’m going to have to look at a different brand) and Brushes. There was a time that I was making all my art digitally, but it just couldn’t compete with the tactile pleasure of traditional art (and my much – loved oil pastels) but this app might just have hooked me again. I guess I like painting with my fingers, and I like being able to just turn the screen around. My latest plan (I’m always full of plans) is making some comics (the canvas is a perfect panel size), in particular the one that I’ve had brewing for about a year now, about parenting.

Here’s some Brushes art:

So, hockey season starts next week – this has been my first break from hockey since starting to play the game 7 years ago, and suprisingly I didn’t miss it that much – in fact, at our practice last week when I heard that 4 players were going to miss our season opener , I had that familiar annoyed feeling. I know that there are work conflicts and injuries etc. but it was the thing that bothered me most last season, and in the ensuing spring season where we played with 8 players for the majority of it. But I started to feel a bit more excited about it after the practice, and then started feeling even more ready after the scrimmage I went to with Matt’s team, the Ultra Moroons. I love playing against men but only with these men (sometimes when someone invites a friend I feel a momentary nervousness because I don’t know how they’ll feel about women on the ice) and it’s the perfect wake up call for a new season. If I can defend against the men then I can do it against the women.

Vanessa told me afterwards that they started hating me on her team for being too rough and cheered when I got knocked down. I didn’t admit to her how much that hurt my feelings – they cheered? They think I’m too rough when they’re all a good foot taller than me? But a quick survey of some of her teammates (including Matt!) indicated that this was probably not the truth. Except maybe for Noah. Sorry for taking you out on the boards, Noah.

Here’s my kokeshi for the upcoming show at the Japanese American National Museum put on by the Los Angeles Toy, Doll & Amusement Museum. Like the last one I made, I found it pretty hard to part with her. Next time I’m making one for myself!

So we’re out of the playoffs, and to add insult to injury we lost to the team with the 55 points in 19 games gal (who scored 8 goals in 2 games against us), in spite of our best efforts to shut her down. I have to admit that almost team-wide we were off. I don’t know if it was nerves or missing our Kessler or just simply, an off night. The worst part is that I don’t take losing very well, and the madder I get the more intent I am in rubbing someone out in the boards, shoulder to shoulder. I always feel a bit ashamed afterwards, even though I always maintain that there has to be and always will be a physical element to the game, women or not. In fact they should allow it a tiny bit more and every woman should play one season just to recognize their own physical strength.

But the best part about it was that as bad as we all felt after losing (and we’d gone about 8 games without losing – I was beginning to think we were invincible – turns out we’re vincible), hanging around with my teammates and having a good laugh afterwards was the best thing imaginable, and made everything alright in the end. Seriously, I like my team so much I’m taking up golfing this summer just so I can see them.

There’s a team in my hockey division that have been rivals with us for years ( and I say they’ve been rivals, because most of the bad feelings have been on their side) and I’ve just come home from a playoff win against them. It’s been on again/off again (mostly on) for our near-6-year history, and seems to have returned with our last two regulation wins against them.

The new twist in this story is our goalie is involved with their goalie, so we get the privilege of hearing repeatedly how much they hate us. I really don’t want to hear about it, because if someone is going to criticize me and my teammates it’s going to get my back up. We’re obnoxious and lippy – probably true – but it isn’t because we mostly win. Maybe it’s a good thing for the playoffs because I’ll feel the rivalry more keenly. I don’t, however, like how it makes me argumentative with the person telling me about it. So in our next matchup we’re going to try and do a little damage control, as well as kick their asses.

I do talk a lot about hockey, don’t I ? I’m sorry……..but Go Canucks Go!

hockey

There is one team in our division with a player with 53 points in 18 games, and she’s scored 8 goals on us in the two we’ve played against them. It’s been driving me crazy that she’s just one person, and we haven’t been able to stop her. I was ready for her on our game on Wednesday, but unfortunately she wasn’t there. We ended up winning 2-0, and it was a hard enough game for us (we had a full bench, they were quite shorthanded), but considering they have lost every game without that one player, I hope it tells them something. Often in women’s hockey you will find a player whose skill far outstrips the division they’re in, and that’s usually because of a girlfriend or group of friends they want to play with. I just feel its unsportsmanlike.

Our goalie was outstanding though. She’s quite humble about it too, which really makes up a part of why I’m in love with my team this year. Ok, I’m also loving our new great forwards and the winning and the great team spirit from everyone. But last year we had a troll for a goalie (there’s really no other way to describe her) who quite blatantly blamed any losses (and there were a LOT of them) on the team, derided the D, and we ended up dropping a division and losing all the time there too. It was quite disheartening, and doesn’t say much for finding such a key player via craigslist.

I’m obsessed with hockey and music these days, where all I would like to do is go to stick and puck and then come home and play with garageband. I want to write songs, songs, songs. There was a time when I just wanted to draw all day and now when I get to draw all day (ok, I still love drawing all day) at the back of my mind I want to pick up my guitar. It probably has to do with the fact that the band is on our January break and I don’t have that outlet but that will be coming to and end soon. Seriously though, if I was in charge of everyone in my band’s life, we’d be practicing all the time, writing songs together, doing a recording only project where we would could just focus on singing, and learning to play all the songs I love. So I guess its a good thing that I’m not in charge because they would quickly become my musical slaves.

Last night I got to watch a video of two of our hockey games (one I was not at, unfortunately) and for the first time saw myself playing hockey. It was quite weird. And this is not meant as any sort of criticism of my teammates, who are awesome beyond belief, but I was struck with how boring we looked. That most definitely means me. It was like going back to watching a Canucks game after the World Juniors, like, come on, show a little spirit! I lack hustle, that’s the only way to say it. Is it stamina, or desire, or both? Probably both, because its hard to hustle for an hour. But I think back on all the women I’ve met who’s hockey skills I’ve admired and the common thread was that wanting to get to the puck first. Then the encouraging thought was that sure, my backhandwristshotslapshotsnapshotmohawksstopscrossovers suck but I can always improve my hustle!

Seriously though, I could see why it might be less than interesting to watch us play, and certainly will think twice about it before I invite anyone to come watch. The good thing though is that we have a game today, where I will have the opportunity to work on it.

I’ve just sat down in a cafe with my coffee and realized that I haven’t brought the pen for my tablet with me, and while I do have a pencil here to do my drawing I don’t have any paper, all because of my silly rush to get out of the house.

Part of the reason for trying to get out of the house quickly is because I should have been working all day, but instead I went to stick and puck (and here I am still not working). Its seriously been about a year since I’ve done any practicing on my own, and I have come to the conclusion that I am as good as I’m ever going to get. I simply cannot seem to get better. Ok, one could infer from that, that maybe I should go to stick and puck more than once every year and maybe I would get better, but there are things that I was doing better a year ago that I can’t seem to do anymore. Like handling the puck while skating backwards, or my backhand. And because stick and puck is so much more exhausting than a regular game, every now and then while I’m resting I like to check out the skills of all the men on the ice (men everywhere! I was the only woman, and I had to change in the bathroom because they took up all 4 dressing rooms!), and I realized that here is where I need work: backwards crossovers. mohawks. stopping left foot first. A proper hockey stop. Speed. A quicker start. stickhandling. my backhand, forehand, slapshot, and wrist shot – I’ll probably never manage a snap shot. Actually, probably the same for the slapshot, and part of me thinks, who even cares about a slapshot? Although, being a defenceperson, the likelihood of my hitting top corner from the point with a wrist shot seems very, very, unlikely. At this point the only thing that I seem to do well is wear my helmet properly, although by the end of it I was getting this pain in the side of my head so maybe I can’t even do that well.

Seriously, I’m not discouraged though. I’ve come to terms with the fact that some of those beautiful goals that I see on the tv I will never, ever be able to do. But that’s ok, cause the main thing is I’m still having a hell of a time playing.

Its kind of funny to use a teapot to illustrate my lady day, since there was no tea involved (except for the cup I made myself just a few minutes ago), rather some espresso, some singing, a game of hockey, and getting quite messy drawing with my daughter.

We had our first game today back in our old division, having been unceremoniously relegated in November and then getting moved back up in January. I was rather disgruntled at the move down, having about the strongest team we’ve ever had it seemed unthinkable that with our new, stronger players we were not able to compete with teams that we’ve been playing against for the past few years. I suppose that it was taking a bit of time to get used to each other, coupled with a high number of absences by the 5 or so players who really can make a difference on the ice in the early part of the year. Although it was kind of fun to have a hair less stress on the ice, I’m pretty glad to be back where we were. It was nice that we won today against the team that broke my finger last year. It was nice that our goalie got another shutout (her third one in a row).